boredom = discombobulated

Lately, I’ve been kinda bored. When I’m bored I’m ugly & resistant..argue with everything. Very childish. I’ve been trying to embrace a book recommended to me about vulnerability.. not going so well. Reading 1 page at a time…analyzing & resisting every bit of wisdom. I don’t want to be vulnerable, it’s safer here…being negative. I can loathe you because of the way you chew your food..literally. some eating habits are disturbing to me..to the point of exploding inside. But to focus on this & many other irritations is a safe excuse of a bubble. After all I’m really annoying too.But, focusing on the irritating behaviors of others is a lot safer..for me! Yet, it keeps me caged & distracted from personal growth and change. Contemplating what I’m avoiding in my boredom and day to day life. What do I really want out of this life and how to want “it” ..enough to change? That question is the extent of my vulnerability for today. I’m a wimp!

For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today we’re the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer is ” No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. – Steve Jobbs

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2 thoughts on “boredom = discombobulated

  1. Allowing one’s self to be vulnerable is one of the greatest challenges in life. Especially for those who were brought up in environments where they had to be “strong” to survive. Vulnerable does not equate to “weak”. Learning to let go of that fear, opens a Pandora’s box of self exploration, and the capacity to love so deep, you will want to sing on the highest mountain. You are surrounded by people who love you. Your safety net is there. Go ahead….open the box!

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