Funny how we get so absorbed in our little way. For me, it’s normal to get consumed in ideas, things, people to the point of obsession. I suppose this stems from childhood. Bla.. I know..boring! But wow these patterns follow us, often subconsciously. Then the traits that kept us safe become unnecessary burdens. I’ve done this dance a few times & I’m dancing again. The current unnecessary dance is obsession. I get so fixated on life’s themes and details that I’m paralyzed in thought & empty longing feeling. I hate acknowledging this annoying female side of me.. Men don’t seem to torture themselves this way. I guess I don’t know if I even share this with women, because they keep it safely locked up. I am scared to want because then I’m vulnerable to failure, even though I’m not putting anything out there so far…just the thought of embracing dreams & goals.. Selfish…scares the hell out of me.. oldest child trait. I see my own son shrink when it’s incinuated he’s being selfish.. don’t want to pass that on. At all! I want to come to a point where I can write all my flaws here, in public..and not care, because it doesn’t matter! I want to write all my dreams and not be concerned wether people see failure or success. I just want to be so immersed in truth that it matters nothing what others think. I guess that could seem selfish. I just need to get over people and get to the heart of things. I’ve put people ahead of everything my whole life. Always waiting for their response & reaction before deciding what’s right.. Senseless. IThere’s no honesty or vulnerability in that. Its a crutch.Though I Love people its time to grow up a little more.. Baby steps, tiny fricken baby steps!