cabin fever, solitude & madness

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January is the month I chose to detox from Facebook. Just about 2 weeks into detoxing my 3 heathens got 5 Virginia snow days conveniently placed between 2 weekends. Tomorrow is our 9th day of spontaneous unstructured winter holiday. Hubby also had his 4 day break this week. Not much of a rejuvenating break. In fact, he was ready to run out of the chaotic coo coo nest this morning, cheering! That is a tribute to homemakers. As a firefighter medic he gets more peacefulness with the constant risk of having to run into a burning building or try to keep someone from dying at a moment’s notice. That’s easier than the surprise attack of 5 snow days at home with three rambunctious kids. I’m right there with him and we feel bad about that. Honestly with 5 people in a family you can’t just go day to day staying indoors peacefully with no schedule. Someone is bound to go mad…every few hours. It’s either a squirrel brained mad kid deciding to scale a wall while the others laugh and cheer, or an exasperated parent wondering if our children have retained anything we have taught them about being civil human beings. And after 9 days indoors the little criminals have created their own justice system. If they have a disagreement, the obvious response is to fight and scream out the injustice followed by slamming a door & perhaps even poking someone in the eye intentionally <that happened. It’s the wild west.

So, of course I chose this month to detox from my mind numbing sedative, Facebook. I could really use a tranced scroll through the adult playground, mindlessly giving everything a thumbs up. I remember seeing a post about a death in the family and several people gave it a thumbs up. What is that? I’ve had time to think about FB and the time it has sucked from my life. Even though it is meant for connecting and interacting it does just the opposite. It waters down any intimacy. We have friend lists with hundreds of people. Some people post and interact a lot and others just scroll through everyone’s crap, not giving thumbs up or commenting..just looking, privately! Kinda creepy. I keep thinking FB is like a high school dance. You have the wallflowers who always show up and just watch all the loud mouth show-offs strut their flawless existence. And although the Wallflower rolls their eyes, they keep showing up to observe the nonsense. I admit I troll through people’s crap when I find them interesting, but I don’t do it all stalker. I comment on what I find amusing or inspiring. But I have to be honest, I really don’t make new friends on Facebook, despite the ever growing number of “friends”. It’s just a play and when the show is over everyone just leaves with the same friends they already had.

The combination of the snow days and being off FB has given me a lot of time to think and read and interact face to face with people. It’s been a bit of an overload. I read so much I resorted to looking at my husband’s bookshelf, which never happens. I started reading Kerouac’s, Big Sur. Amazingly, its amazing! It has evoked a lot of emotion.. Intense bricks on the chest gripping emotion. I love books that combine an inner journey of self with a physical journey outside of one’s normal environment. Eat, Pray, Love,  Into the Wild and now Big Sur.. My disconnect is creating changes, and I just might go mad if the snow days keep up. I need to be alone so I can introvert, but I appreciate my people I love so much more right now. Afterall, there really are a few people who are really present to experience the ups and downs of life with you. Providing an encouraging FB thumbs up doesn’t count. I really appreciate my people and I want to give them my time. These circumstances are bringing clarity to my life. I’m more present in my messy chaotic family..less distracted, less escapism. I’m really banking on an inner long lasting transformation.

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