kids..brief.

I can’t sleep. It’s almost 2 am and I’m a crazy insomniac. Can’t sleep at all. This is crazy! I’m obsessing over the wellness of my kids. I want to keep them at home. I’m distraught.

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Crazy case of madness around here.

Lately everyone is crazy. Everyone I talk to is struggling with a case of the crazies. Ready to go off the deep end, crazy! Something in the water or up in the stars, I don’t know! Maybe the Winter has finally brought everyone to their knees begging for a break..a little glimmer of hopeful sunshine.

What I find interesting about all this craziness is how everyone is coping so differently. I have one friend who was recently driven to the brink of madness because everyone around her ” has their head up their ass” –Well no wonder they can’t see the reality she sees so clearly. ūüėČ When she gets crazy, she gets pissed! and every part of her being wants to see these ass heads pay. That’s just what she does..passionate, all consuming irritation at people who can’t clearly see what is so obvious…..to her! It use to frighten me, but I see the innocence in her convictions now. It’s not bad, it’s just 100% honest & sincere & not all of us are tough enough to go where she goes in the honest department.

Crazy friend number 2… This ultra laid back crazy sufferer is very patient, blindly oblivious and forgiving to many people & things that are clearly deserving of making an onlooker snap. He just hums along. But then he snaps at something totally unrelated to what should have made him snap. & when he snaps it’s a crazy earthquake. Everyone stands back… way back & respects the crazy. He’s typically so laid back that he deserves to go crazy. This is actually a funny crazy because it’s not possible to be serious when someone holds off their anger so long that they snap over a telemarketer calling. They were patient so long they needed to snap! & a telemarketer is an expected easy target for pent up rage..especially the computer voice.

Crazy suspect # 3…watch out she’s just going to tell you you’re a dumbass right away. No waiting or unnecessary brooding..just a large dose of therapeutic cussing..and then she’s done. Back to her cozy world in her head that you so rudely interrupted. I can deal with that.¬†

Crazy suspect 4 hides in her room when she’s crazy..plotting schemes of happiness. She’s the ultimate worrier…she sees nothing clearly. Someone could rob her home and she would worry about the state of their soul. She is totally unrealistic in her observations.. she sees everything through rose colored glasses..And she suffers because of her rose colored glasses. She can’t see past her glasses to reality.. It’s ok..I get her. She cares about peace & everyone wants peace. I just wish she didn’t pay all the bills for peace.

Crazy suspect 5 is a new crazy for me to observe. It’s rare to witness her crazy..she’s outwardly perfect. However, a private late night text chat gives her the comfort to expose her crazy, which is safely protected in a bullet proof vest. It has to be hard being nearly perfect to the outer world. This person has the rare gift of seeing flaws like a human microscope while hiding her flaws with classy precision. What a burden. Her crazy is expected to behave or else be medicated. But in her vulnerable moments she expresses how deeply sensitive she is and I see her struggle with her fault finding. The thing is, she’s not trying to offend with fault finding..she just notices everything! I clearly remember one of my first 5 interactions with this perfectly imperfect crazy being..She said, “Wow, I hardly recognize you..I’ve never seen you with your hair and make-up done.” Wow-Heartwarming, actually a tad bubble-bursting. It’s ok though, I get her now & my pride is in check. It’s not personal! She sees things realistically, and when she mentions her observations it’s merely an observation. HER crazy expresses itself as depression and feeling unloved, but that’s because people can’t hang with her analysis…they get offended. My 2 cents…she shouldn’t change her way of viewing life. It’s critical, yes. But it’s God given..only the strong and humble will benefit from such detached honesty. I appreciate her innocent honesty.

So I’ve analyzed 5 crazies and I’m crazy too. My crazy is neurotic. It’s unpredictable and passionate. Sometimes it is perfectly accepting of others, like tonight. Other times it detests the crazy in others, wanting to smoosh it. But there’s no sense in that. We all can benefit from having some crazies around..we learn from their different ways..when we get past ourselves.

Questions

Ive been told by many I should be a counselor. I have no desire to go to school for 12 years at this point. 12, 10, 8 ..whatever they do..ask me a question…I love people..What is disturbing you? What are you contemplating…Give me questions.. Not Dear Abby, but Dear Nichole..Im Imperfect, struggling, recovering, loving.. Nonjudgemental. Ask and I will answer wholeheartedly..share!

I just love you Becky, thats all!

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I have a friend, Becky. She’s my neighbor, my go to girl. I can call her and request a coffee date anytime. She’s my opposite in so many ways. She is blunt, I’m not. She is Aquarius & Im Leo..opposite signs-¬†incase you didn’t know. She is a conspiracy theorist, Im na√Įve. She homeschools, I cant imagine! She gripes honestly & I smile a fake smile. This girlfriend keeps me straight.

Everyone needs a close pal who is their opposite. They help us grow. They push us out of our comfort zone and challenge us. I visit Becky daily. She’s my neighbor& my confidant. I pour so much honesty on her you would think she would suffocate. But she doesn’t because she takes everything with a grain of salt. When I feel all intense, she grounds me in her realism. She puts everything in a logical place, unlike me.

Becky Is particularly special to me. Being a neighbor..I automatically love her! But she is a special neighbor, delivering baked goods bi-weekly. Who gets that special service? Me! Yum! Her iced coffee cake is beyond YUM!

But more than that I love how she shares her honest perspective. She challenges my thought processes in new ways. For example..I go to her feeling bad about complaining about my hubby and her response is, Men are weird and crazy. validation!.I go to her complaining about my kids and she says they are fricken annoying. I go to her complaining about education and she says don’t let your kids be brainwashed! Everything I bring to her is immediately met with an opposite response. What is better that a friend that naturally challenges you by playing an innocent devil’s advocate. Who can help you to grow more than a friend who cares about you and doesn’t succumb to all of your opinions. This is why I adore Rebecca..She is there but challenges me daily. Thank you friend. What a gift. What better gift can a friend offer than being real. I love your realism. It blesses me and keeps me thinking daily. xo

‚ÄúWhile we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.‚ÄĚ unknown

We had a busy weekend full of friends and fun. Then today was a predictable snow day and I worked from home while the kids basically did their own thing. They visited friends houses and killed time in our house. By the time I logged off the work computer I was pretty spent.  They, on the other hand,  were ready to interact and talk…a lot. Unfortunately, I basically had nothing left to give. I immediately went into Mom survival mode. OMgoodness, What NEEDS to be done? What duties are we obligated to achieve? What needs to be taken care of in the house incase someone stops by unexpected? Squirrel brain…. (& I routinely tell them to calm down and be aware of the moment..HA!) Somewhere between all the crazy thinking…for a split second, I asked myself who I was serving. I had no answer to my question. WHO AM I SERVING IN THESE PANICKED MOMENTS?…..cricket sounds for a minute…. Still I ignore the thought & escape to the couch feeling guilty and taking comfort in the soul food on my kindle. Jack asks, Mom can you put your kindle down? Me, Why? Because I want to give you a hug and it is going to be a long hug. I agree, despite being far from excited for physical touch. He nuzzled in…perfectly sweet. It WAS long…. and he was so in the moment. Mom, he says, Your earrings are so pretty and I love you!.. Aww…heart melts.

I go back to asking myself what I am retreating from. All these things I use to distract my brain do not matter to me or them! It is a convenient escape. For me, the preoccupations just serve as escapes dressed up in good intentions. I’m not pondering getting my nails done. I’m worried about school work, extra curricular activities and cleaning house. It’s all important stuff and it is for them. Not really though! They don’t care about that stuff. They want to cuddle, play games, talk, laugh & mess around…ENJOY LIFE! They don’t care about doing the “right thing”. They care about being in the moment and enjoying life. I’m often left feeling like I need to learn from them. Yes, I have to work and take care of their needs, but their needs are not always what I put first. I’m focusing on things that do not matter to them. I’m concerned with doing “the right thing”. But these things are normally an attempt to look like a good parent instead of being their parent, providing the love they need. Kids are so simple..Hugs, love, special attention. No ulterior motives..just lots of love… I want to meet them there in their place more often. It is fulfilling.

Proverbs 22:6  Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.