We had a busy weekend full of friends and fun. Then today was a predictable snow day and I worked from home while the kids basically did their own thing. They visited friends houses and killed time in our house. By the time I logged off the work computer I was pretty spent. They, on the other hand, were ready to interact and talk…a lot. Unfortunately, I basically had nothing left to give. I immediately went into Mom survival mode. OMgoodness, What NEEDS to be done? What duties are we obligated to achieve? What needs to be taken care of in the house incase someone stops by unexpected? Squirrel brain…. (& I routinely tell them to calm down and be aware of the moment..HA!) Somewhere between all the crazy thinking…for a split second, I asked myself who I was serving. I had no answer to my question. WHO AM I SERVING IN THESE PANICKED MOMENTS?…..cricket sounds for a minute…. Still I ignore the thought & escape to the couch feeling guilty and taking comfort in the soul food on my kindle. Jack asks, Mom can you put your kindle down? Me, Why? Because I want to give you a hug and it is going to be a long hug. I agree, despite being far from excited for physical touch. He nuzzled in…perfectly sweet. It WAS long…. and he was so in the moment. Mom, he says, Your earrings are so pretty and I love you!.. Aww…heart melts.
I go back to asking myself what I am retreating from. All these things I use to distract my brain do not matter to me or them! It is a convenient escape. For me, the preoccupations just serve as escapes dressed up in good intentions. I’m not pondering getting my nails done. I’m worried about school work, extra curricular activities and cleaning house. It’s all important stuff and it is for them. Not really though! They don’t care about that stuff. They want to cuddle, play games, talk, laugh & mess around…ENJOY LIFE! They don’t care about doing the “right thing”. They care about being in the moment and enjoying life. I’m often left feeling like I need to learn from them. Yes, I have to work and take care of their needs, but their needs are not always what I put first. I’m focusing on things that do not matter to them. I’m concerned with doing “the right thing”. But these things are normally an attempt to look like a good parent instead of being their parent, providing the love they need. Kids are so simple..Hugs, love, special attention. No ulterior motives..just lots of love… I want to meet them there in their place more often. It is fulfilling.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.