Day 5 of deleting my Facebook

Today is my 5th day off Facebook. Technically, my account won’t actually delete for two whole weeks. I suppose that is incase I want to reconsider disconnecting from 200 and some “friends”.  Umm, After this week..Not a chance! It’s been amazing! I already admitted I was neurotic about Facebook. I’ve deactivated my account numerous times to take a break, but it was always there waiting…..and calling! Deciding to permanently delete it has put it out of my mind. Sure, I’ve gone on autopilot when I pick up my phone to load up Facebook, only to catch myself and realize it’s not there.

So anyway, about this week being amazing! Free time takes on a whole new meaning without the compulsive need to be connected. I had a day off work this week and I totally wasted it studying world religions online. I gained tons of knowledge. Buddhism was particularly appealing to me. As a Christian I was inspired by the simplicity of Buddhist monks, maybe this is because I have this overwhelming urge to simplify. Check out, Ask a monk, on YouTube… Enlightening…Lol..;) Also the music of the amazing, Lake Street Drive, YouTube. Inspiring. I also rocked my garden with enthusiasm. Seeds, plants, weeding, mulch. I love the disconnection right now. I’ve enjoyed meaningful phone conversations and talking with my husband without looking at my phone…(rude!) I’ve even gone out and forgot my phone.

So basically, I’m gonna get preachy for a second. So many of us are ridiculously distracted.. ADD culture. But it’s our own doing. We can live without Facebook. We can simplify. We can focus on our true goals,  desires & passions. We can disconnect and learn new things and have real interactions with real people that matter.. Rant… done! I’m going to go brag to myself about my gardening..The joy is all mine, because I can’t water it down by posting it and seeing if other people will be interested.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication..Davinci

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Day 2 off Facebook

Day 2 off Facebook.. Feels New! -like Spring. Loving the freedom and independence. I actually like being semi alone. I have time to think my own thoughts. It’s absolutely amazing how much anxiety social media can create. When I’m not obsessed with checking in on social media, I have time to garden, study, clean & be with my family…really be with them. I’m sold on disconnecting. 

Free at last!

So I’ve deleted my Facebook account. Not taking a break, permanently deleted it. I feel free! Well, this is the first day. We’ll see how I feel in a week…But for today, I’m enjoying my new existence. What will I do with my time? Everything I actually wanted to do with my time all along. I can’t wait to see how this loss evolves into new beginnings. “Friends” and “likes” take on a whole new meaning.

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Who is the dictator in our lives?

Do we create our own lives? How much of our lives are spent meeting the demands of “authorities”? From a young age we join systems that tell us that they know what is good for us. Parents, schools, religions and our families set out a map for our success. Our vulnerable innocent minds trust our elders and blindly follow their life prescriptions for our lives. We trust their wisdom.

Now, as an adult I seriously question the wisdom that was so lovingly poured into my innocent mind. I have my own kids now and I seriously question what I am passing on to them from my own life experience. I see their perfect minds and beautiful individuality. I don’t want to corrupt them with old rules and washed up wisdom. I do not want my kids to blindly trust the well trained authorities in place of their own judgment. The authorities are mostly people who have been trained on how to teach kids how to behave so they can fit quietly into the system. This is not a system of drawing an individual out. It is a system of fitting into the blueprint of mass obedience.

Most of us grew up in families with their own code of proper behavior. We were expected to carry the family name obediently and follow the rules of our tribe. Eventually, after the toddler years at home or daycare, the majority of us filed into public schools where we we became a tiny fish in a huge pond.  Little by little our individuality was scraped away. All while we thought we were being good obedient good children. We learned our core curriculum like good little kids. Perhaps we got a gold star or a personal chat with a teacher here and there. We rushed from class to class and learned a lot of stuff that couldn’t possibly be put together to create anything that made sense. Most of us had the same requirements in school and family despite the fact we are unique individuals. We all needed to learn the same way and we had to learn basically the same things. As if a musician needs to focus on the same classes as an engineer. It’s all crazy!

No wonder we flounder around confused and spouting fake wisdom as adults. A lot of us are just passing on the same example we had. Just say what you are told! Go to work, get the job done and then come home and teach your child the same thing. But, do you love your work? Do you think it matters? I honestly hope so. But many of us fill our time being grown students in a system where we have no say in who we want to be as adults. I say get rid of the system and just be who you are and raise children who are thoughtful intelligent beings despite the systems they are in. Don’t give up on what you know to be true.

Why do you do what you do?

Feeling completely disillusioned. Where has humanity gone? Everywhere I look I find people conforming to this and that. Where has genuine individuality gone? It’s been flushed down the toilet with all the other shit. Why do people so easily trade in their independence for fools gold? Perhaps it is easier. I have so much on my mind..I’m literally bursting at the seams. I think about all of the choices we have and why we do what we do. Why do you do what you do? I would love to know..because I have no fricken clue. We learn from a young age to follow this and do that..but WHY? I just wonder if you question your life path. Do you gain anything, besides a paycheck? Seriously, Why do you live the life you live? Could you have more if you put aside all of the societal expectations? Is there something more to you beyond what you think is expected or praised? I wonder what the world would be like if everyone marched to the beat of their own drum, free of obligations. If we just did what compelled us, Who and what would you be? 

No victims

I’m sick. Terrible head cold. But life goes on..& it goes on and on and on. I’m completely distracted with my issues; head cold, work, parental responsibilities and homemaking. I know it sounds ridiculously silly..but Im obsessed with my rather simple issues. The problem with this is that when I focus on my issues I miss what is going on around me with the people I love. It is so easy to get obsessively consumed with our “problems”. I feel bad that my family members have to succumb to my situations. Marriage in particular can easily become a situation of, who has a harder life. It gets competitive.  We get into annoying situations that require compromise, work and acceptance yet we choose to compete about who has a harder road. Today I am ashamed, I became obsessed with having to take care of all of the parenting duties while my hubby was totally immersed in a situation with a close relative on their death bed. I insisted on him going to visit his uncle. However, as the day unfolded and the circumstances got hard I felt sorry for myself. I lashed out at him for tending to his obviously, more important, needs. I could not see past MY day and the struggles I was enduring…even though they were tiny compared to his. I was sick, tired and bored, but I was not dealing with an important life event..like a significant family member deteriorating. So the point of this blog is to say, Look outside your issues. There’s always someone with a tougher struggle. Be grateful! Furthermore, marriage can cause us to act like competitive siblings when situations get tough. That’s ugly & common. We are not much different than kids. We get stuck in our personal experiences and we fight for our rights. It backfires though… Our spouses likely have just as tough a load to carry. I’ve come to the conclusion that it is so much easier to be noncompetitive, Yes Life sucks! but we can fake a smile in the tough times. It’s necessary and productive because there are so many people walking a tougher walk. Chin up friends…Be Positive!

Things I no longer believe about parenting.

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Reminiscing about what type of parent I once thought I would be and what I ended up being as a parent. This is a list of misconceptions I had and still struggle with.

1. Childhood should be the very best years of our children’s lives. We should do everything in our power to provide a magical experience full of bliss. – Nope, not anymore. Done feeling guilt and pressure about not measuring up in this area. I don’t want to raise a perfectly happy child. I want to raise an individual who learns how to pursue peace and happiness throughout their whole life. It’s give and take, and giving is part of a satisfying life. Happiness is a journey not a destination.- Souza  I need to give an example of how to be a happy adult.

2. Children deserve an answer to everything you say. No!… I’m the one responsible for this ship. If I have time I will explain. However, there are plenty of times that children just need to respond to authority respectfully. Besides, obsessive questioning from these sophisticated beings can be a manipulative tactic to delay doing what they’re told. Or if they are lucky we will get so exasperated we give up or do it ourselves. Chances are at some point they will be expected to follow rules or they’re fired.

3. Parents should consult expert advice when making choices about their children. Hmmm. What a wonderful way to become incredibly confused. It’s a constant struggle to go with my gut regarding my kids. It’s hard to trust that I know what’s right for them. We are all novices.  One thing is for sure, there’s no expert that loves my child more than me. I have to be fearless enough to trust my instincts rather than deferring to an expert.

4. Kids need to be well-rounded individuals. We need to give them ample experiences so they can discover who they are. This is certainly the path to not knowing self. We race kids here and there so fast they don’t have a minute to just be with themselves, quietly and reflectively. There’s not a moment to think and be still. I would turn into a zombie if I had someone carting me here and there from morning until bedtime. Humans need solitude. Humans need to sit with themselves regularly to reconnect with their personal identity.

5. Kids should be restricted to a few hours of TV and electronics every day. Oh boy! This is a tough one. This is the society many of us grew up in…constant outside stimulation. My home has 3 kindles, 1 TV and 1 computer. They are overused. I’ve been teaching a Sunday School class for 3 years and we get into discussions about our biggest life sucks. These kids admit that by far, its electronics followed closely by after school activities. One Sunday morning a boy told me he hadn’t left his room since Friday after school. He was embarrassed but also felt guilty knowing his parents have to work hard for everything they have. It’s so tempting to hook them up and know they are at least safe. But I truly believe we are creating kids who think their reality is on a screen. I need to improve here, big time.

6. Kids have to be very successful in school in order to become well-adjusted adults. NO! NO! NO! I think back to my childhood. I distinctly remember the main lessons I  learned from school…like learning where I ranked in the pack. I remember learning that I wasn’t the smartest or the dumbest or the prettiest or the ugliest..  I remember learning to be quiet and cooperative. I remember learning that I didn’t have what it takes. I never got any sense of my actual personal identity in school. I learned 90% of everything about life and myself from my life outside of school. I hope my kids learn a lot at home. Being outside with the neighbors or alone to explore the World. Building forts, creating clubs, dreaming up ideas, planting gardens, doing work, playing games, traveling.. that’s where it’s at. Kids need to be educated, yes, but that’s such a small part of the big picture. They learn the lasting life lessons in the home and outside exploring and playing. We shouldn’t be skipping family meals and important conversations and playing together to complete homework worksheets.

7. Kids need to figure out for themselves what their values are. This makes me sad. We have to give them some examples to build on. Learning from electronics, TV, school and extracurricular is hollow and not enough to prepare them. If we are to afraid or bogged down to show them any examples of faith or spirituality, then what do they have to decide on? Ultimately we choose our beliefs as adults, but we need to share what we have discovered about life, hope and faith as an example to our children. Otherwise our example is that no one chooses anything for themselves regarding these important soul topics.

I guess I will probably revise this list 5 and 10 years from now. I hope my experience as a parent continues to teach me what is important in life. The biggest misconception I had was thinking I would teach my kids everything they need to know. Truth is they teach me just as much or more.