How did I get here?

Life is funny..the way it takes you for a ride. As I age time eludes me. It’s amazing how life evolves and pieces are placed so strategically, seemingly without my effort. I ended up in the “South”..Virginia. Having grown up in Northern Michigan, which I proudly claim as my pride, joy & roots, I never would have expected to live here. However, I adore VA. Less winter, more green!  l just knew I wouldn’t  have kids until late twenties. Hmm. I have 3 and my first bundle arrived at 23. He changed everything. As a kid, I figured I would rent a tiny cottage for me alone. What? I own a home with MY husband and love nurturing my land and making my home. I envisioned a life filled with my interests. Me! Me! & Me! Life took the steering wheel & took me to my true north. I love this life that I didn’t plan. I wake up in the morning next to my best friend, little feet running around in the hallway and voices calling out, Mooooom! I couldn’t have dreamt up this miracle. I’m so grateful that there’s something beyond me orchestrating this existence. We belong where we are. The miracles, the depth, the extraordinary, the surprises are beyond our imagination. Love your miracle…it’s a personal gift to you alone. You’re right where you need to be. Love it! 



Goodness, life can beat down hard. It can challenge us for long periods with difficult trials to endure, and it can pop up with surprise challenges out of a clear blue sky, when you least expect it. Either way we can’t always be on a mountain top. That’s for sure! Peaks & valleys are inevitable.
Our last freedom in any trial is choosing our state of mind. We can succumb to the overwhelming pressures or we can choose gratitude. Gratitude is sometimes tough when the victim role is waiting patiently for our weak moments. Nonetheless, gratitude gives freedom. When we answer the call of gratitude we are free. We are forced to see that we are here, at least for today. We are here to transcend our let downs and revel in the simple beauty of life. We are blessed despite our overwhelming circumstances. Look outside, its a perfect work of art for us to appreciate. The sky, the trees, the light shining just right. Look at our modern conveniences, electricity, plumbing, fresh water, transportation. But mostly, look at the people who choose to love you. Flaws and all. And the opportunity we have to reciprocate and share our deepest affections with them.
Life can serve up a tough dish. But always, we are free to look past to all we still have because if you’re still here you were given another day. Take it! Appreciate it! Honor it. It’s a gift for YOU!

History in an old home.

A lovely day. There’s something amazingly rejuvenating about working in the yard all day. Uncovering underground habitats that otherwise go unnoticed as you walk over them. Cursing at invasive weeds. I actually talk to these weeds, comparing them to selfish people, who make it all about themselves. They get their roots into other things business, like sidewalks & steps. Even inviting themselves to take over the plants I wanted. A few plants died because of these weedy invaders. Curse them! Still, despite the unwanted weeds, I created a new rock garden and uncovered a good portion of 2 existing beds.

We moved into this house almost 10 years ago. A widow lived here alone for a good 30 years and she wasn’t a gardener. Her husband, who died 30 years before her took great pride in his yard. He was the town pharmacist. When off work, I’m guessing he meticulously cared for his garden when he wasn’t enjoying his basement man cave. I absolutely love uncovering this stranger’s history in my home & yard. I’ve uncovered the rock outlines of his gardens. I’ve tried to reclaim much of his plans because they’re better than my ideas and there’s something fun about digging up an old neglected work of art left behind years ago.

We’ve lost a few trees. A dogwood and a lilac that won’t totally die..still throwing out a huge patch of shoots that won’t bloom. 

The old man cave is sadly storage now. His laminate bar is now the laundry room…much less fun. But his wife’s piano still sits in the man cave..quiet! Maybe one day it will sing again. I hope so!


Am I alone here? I get these moments or periods of time with people when I can no longer see anything good about them. I don’t know where it comes from, but everything….!….the way they talk, their responses, their movements, even how they chew their food is so fricken annoying. It’s like an eclipse of a person. They were fine, they were wonderful.. but then suddenly every good quality about said person is nonexistent.

I hate when I put on my shit colored glasses. It solves nothing. But…its seemingly inescapable, a slow personal torcher, until it finally passes. Then when it does pass, I feel like poo for being so judgemental. I wonder what, or if I was thinking.. Emotions are foolish! I’m sorry for focusing on how you chew your food, it won’t matter tomorrow. 

Sometimes life kicks your booty.. might as well learn from it.

Channelling the words of my grandma, Fake it til it’s real! That’s all I got right now. I don’t want to spoil anyone’s good vibes. Actually, I hope to God your in a happy place. Just disregard this. I’m making it through the days and meeting my responsibilities…barely! It’s taking every bit of my being to fake a smile and just get it done. It’s irritating. There’s nothing to attribute this pessimistic drain to. I have no tragedy to blame. The universe is just kicking my butt and making me hide. No amount of sleep is refreshing.  No amount of private time is rejuvenating. I know it will pass, but forces beyond me are dominating my will and kicking my butt. I hope it passes very soon. Hey, one piece of joy..check out Lake Street Drive on YouTube…impossible to not kick back and at least appreciate their awesomeness. I don’t have to fake smile now… bit of joy and hope in my heart while listening.

Life is forcing itself on me


Recently life has been teaching me the lesson, just let it go!….even if I don’t want to. I think the deletion of my Facebook account has officially run its 14 day reconsider phase. Deciding to permanently remove myself from Facebook was not my initial intention. I would occasionally deactivate it for a break, but I would get back on within a week clamoring for an easy connection. Then one day I was struck with insight. I realized that I had turned this distracting entertainment into a compulsive and very important part of life. Anyhow, after 2 weeks, I barely think about it until someone reminds me of my absence… I cringe at the thought of rejoining. Perhaps, one day…minus at least 200 “friends”. 

Another stupid seemingly important loss…my dishwasher! Omgoodness! I thought I was going to die. We’re doing a long term simple kitchen remodel. It makes no sense to replace the dishwasher until other things are completed. Again, I thought I was going to die of pruny hand syndrome. Certainly, it can’t be good to stand at the sink looking into a beautiful back yard while mindlessly washing dishes. Actually, after 2 months of feeling sorry for myself washing dishes for a family of 5, I actually enjoy this time. No one intrudes on dishwashing. It’s not a stimulating activity, unless you’ve been doing it for a while. Then it’s peaceful. 

These examples along with a few more circumstances of “loss”…I won’t bore you!…washing dishes is probably like watching paint dry if you have a dishwasher. Here, life is teaching me a lesson.  Half the crap I care about doesn’t matter after a period of disconnection. We are where we are because we need the lessons of now in our lives. Sometimes we need to step out and connect & other times we need to withdraw & retreat to our personal base self. Sometimes we need to move quickly and just survive with the pace of life.  Then other times, life forces us to stand at the kitchen window, washing dishes, so we can contemplate our life, quietly. Hmm! Alone in peace, I ponder words, writing, music, spirituality, wisdom, gardening. Alone, without influences, the sky is the limit in my solitude. 

Blogging, facebooking, twittering…etc.

Do you ever wonder why you blog? Or why you participate in any social interaction online? I’ve come to believe that we as a group crave more attention than what we have in front of us. Why is that not enough? I recently deleted my FB account….permanently. It’s strange to be so disconnected. I feel like a cast away at times. But, mostly it’s been good. I’ve recently had phone conversations and face to face experiences that I wouldn’t have had with the connected FB experience. The abundance of free time I have is amazing. I’m actually overwhelmed with the amount of free time I have. I wonder if we are numbing ourselves subconsciously. Perhaps we are seeking outwardly, what’s right in front of us…if we could just control ourselves enough to peel away from the screen & look. My experience of disconnecting has forced me to pay attention to those I care for because the distractions are gone. My question to you, what do you get from your connected online experience?

I deleted my Facebook account…when, why?


Hmm. I’ve become so  disconnected that I have no clue how long I’ve been off Facebook. I tried to blog daily about my experience deleting my Facebook account. Wait, what’s Facebook? Sorry, residual effects of technological ADD. I think it’s been about 10 days, which means my account will be permanently deleted in a few more days. I cannot wait. Be gone! Deleting Facebook has been a huge game changer for me. I use to spend the last hour, or hours…(shame!) of my day trolling the social network for ANYTHING that might add depth to my life. I feel pitiful in the idea of having to search so desperately for connection. I’m liberated in knowing that I don’t need Facebook or texting or even email to stay in touch with those I care about. The people I care about seek me out. These few real friends are far better than entertaining the great social network of acquaintances. I love that my absence from FB has inspired calls and texts saying they miss my presence. These are the people who matter. I ask you, Why do you want to have 300 friends when you already have a few friends who love you. Why entertain the masses instead of making a call to a family member or friend who really cares. Why keep these distractions? No judgement..just curious.